In a stinkin' nutshell

Life has taken so many turns since the last time I posted in August of 2012. There is no way I can catch up and I kick myself for not being a better blogger.  I have loved reading through all the things we have done in the past or the things my kids have done or said and not having any documentation since 2012 makes me sad.  Really sad.  Time goes by so quickly.

So beware... if my family reads this...its all old news.  But I had to write it down before I forgot.  :)

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Let's see....in a stickin' nutshell.

*I lost my sweet Nana in 2012.  She had a 'bout with Breast Cancer in 2011 and decided to do radiation treatment.  She was in remission for a while but it ended up taking her life at the age of 87. I was lucky enough, along with my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, mom, dad and a lot of friends from church to be there with her for her last moments on this earth and it was such a life changing moment for me.  To see her best friend of 50 years cry was almost more than I could bear.  They had coffee together everyday.  EVERYDAY at 3:00. They were like Lucy and Ethel.  I wanted to be them when I grew up.

I can't even put into words how much I miss her.  Her presence always gave me a sense of peace and love. She could just walk into a room and be the brightest light there, her hugs were like no other and her words of wisdom were quiet and humble.  What I wouldn't give to hear her voice one more time. Sometimes I just wish for one more afternoon coffee time with her.  I have so many things to tell her. Mainly, that I love her.

*Right after Nana died, my sweet and strong Daddy got sick.  We had been wondering for a while if something wasn't right.  He just hadn't been himself but, in true Gordon fashion, he reassured us that we were crazy.  :)  He started showing some signs of forgetfulness.  Not of who we were but of random and everyday things.  My dad was a true country boy.  He was raised on a farm and knew all things about hauling hay, fixing and driving tractors, cars, trucks, mowers, cows, horses and whatever else roamed the land.  He had this common sense of the earth like no one I ever knew.  If there was a storm brewing or anything happening around town we were all fine as long as Dad was fine.  If Dad ever felt scared or nervous, we were all in trouble. There was one particular day when my sister had asked him to change the headlights on her Suburban and he had no idea what to do.  He just stared at the bulb and said, "I have never done this.  I don't know how."

Um, excuse me.  You've only done this 5,000 times.

There was more, but it was then that we knew something wasn't right.  He was originally diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's late 2013/early 2014. That went on for a bit with significant changes.  Later, he started having numbing issues with his hands and arms.  My mom took him in and they ran some tests thinking that it could possibly be Parkinson's, which is one of the secondary diseases that often accompanies Alzheimer's.  But, it was not.  It was something we, as a family were not prepared for. They had misdiagnosed his illness.  I will never forget that conference call from my mom.  She had me, my sister and brother on the line to break the news.  My Dad had Frontal Temporal Degeneration and Lou Gehrigs Disease/ALS.  They gave him 4-6 months to live.  This was March 2013.  We were devastated.

We knew that time was not on our side so we tried to make every effort to go home as much as possible.  Every weekend was filled with family time, laughs, cries and pictures. Lots of pictures. Dad couldn't figure out why in the world we were there so much.  Along with the visits from us were the visits from home health nurses, trips to the doctor and adult sitters so my mom could get errands ran around town or just get out for a breather.  He couldn't go and do as he used to and that made him mad.  But, he got used to it.  He hated having a "sitter".  One time he locked one of them out side in the heat and they had to sit in the car until mom got home.  ha!

The only upside to dads illness, if there could be such a thing, is that he only had ALS in the upper part of his body, its called bulbar ALS.  So, he could still walk around but didn't have the use of his arms and hands.  Later, the use of his throat would prove to the the WORST EVER!

Summer came and went and our last family vacation to Port Aransas would be one that I will remember forever.  We all had to take turns watching Dad. He would just walk out in the ocean like he was heading to the next island. He had no fear. The dementia was making him more child like day by day. He had fun with all the grand kids and the pictures we have are priceless. Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went. Turkey meant nothing. Presents meant nothing.  Time was moving too quickly.  I could cry at the drop of a hat.  Usually at night, you could find me in my closet in a big stinkin' weepy heap of a mess.  Songs were my refuge and me and my ear buds became best friends.  Dad loved worship songs and that was my happy place.  I could feel him.  The old him.  The songs reminded me of him and how much he loved Jesus.  Dad put his trust in his Heavenly Father and seeing his faith through this illness has forever changed me.

Eating had become horrible and his throat just wouldn't work like it used to. He had lost weight and would get so frustrated because he couldn't eat.  He loved fried catfish and got really mad one Sunday after church when he got choked.  It scared us and the kids so bad.

I've had a few of those calls that bring you to your knees, but the one telling me to hurry and get home because Dad isn't gonna make it too much longer and the ambulance is on the way is the worst. I don't really remember that 2ish hour drive.  Its only by the Grace of God that I made it in one piece.   I checked the mail a few weeks later and had a red light ticket in there....I was like...oops.

All I know is I was honored to be there for my Dad's last breath on January 30, 2014.  He entered those gates of Heaven running, I'm sure!  For the next few days we were loved on, prayed over, hugged and blessed by everyone. Even though the days were a blur we felt the love from our friends and family flow abundantly.  As much as I miss Dad everyday, I know he is free of pain, free of disease and free to eat whatever he wants.  I'm sure the Blue Bell is perfect in Heaven.

God is ever so faithful,
Heather

Papa John



In all our craziness over the summer, none can compare to the loss we had in August.  You know, that phone call you get that brings you to your knees?  I've had a few of those in my lifetime...and this is one of them.  Very rarely have I seen my husband cry.  He is the strong one, the one who thinks things through, the one that keeps me grounded, the one that when I am anything but calm....he is, the one that is the peacemaker, and a true example of a loving husband and father.  But, on August 7th, I saw tears.  I saw a man who felt helpless and heartbroken.  He got THE call.  The call that his daddy, his crazy but sweet daddy, had died at his home.  He had just turned 75.

After the call, the tears and hugs he automatically went into a "gotta get it done" mode.  I have never lost a parent, thank goodness.  My Poppi was the closest to a parent that I have lost.  I know how that hurt. 

Bad. 

But, I guess when you lose a parent there are things that have to be done.  AND guess what...YOU have to do it.  I know Troy and his sisters faced a really hard time but they did it and did it together. 

That week was really a blur.  As it should be.  I can't remember a lot but do know that I am super proud of my husband and the leadership role he showed to me and the kids.  I am one lucky girl.

Words cannot express how much we will miss Papa.  We loved stopping at his house on our way back to Houston from the Ville.  He was on the way home for us and our normal stop in Plum will never be the same.  We would always call him and tell him we were on our way....now, if you knew John and you told him you were going to be there at 3 o' clock...you better be there at 3 o' clock.  ha!  There were many times we were late and would get a little lecture.  ha! 

Now it's going to be weird passing his turn off knowing he's not there.  We always loved stopping there to play with Yogi and Snoopy, drive the mule around the little 'ole town of Plum, listen to old country classic music and listening to his funny stories.  Let me tell you, he had some funny ones.  We never had to stop at 7-11 for sodas for the car ride home because we always knew Papa would hook us up with some.  Of course, soda was not Papa's drink of choice but he has some soda just for us.  :)  I am thankful that the kids have such fond memories of hanging out at Papa's house. 

The kids even had a song about him....goes a little something like this: (not sure of the tune)

Paaaa-pa John

Paaaa-pa John

Papa John lives in Plum, picks pecans,

Paaaa-pa John.

Although we are sad and heartbroken over his passing, we know that he is better hands. God promises us that and for that we are thankful. 

RIP Papa, John, Tic, Daddy....We love you and will miss you always.

Why me Lord?
What have I ever done?
To deserve even one
Of the blessings I've known

Why me Lord?
What did I ever do?
That was worth love from You
And the kindness You've shown

Lord help me, Jesus
I've wasted it
So help me Jesus
I know what I am

Now that I know
That I've needed You
So help me Jesus
My soul's in Your hand

Try me Lord
If You think there's a way
That I can repay
What I've taken from You

Maybe Lord
I could show someone else
What I've been through myself
On my way back to You

Lord help me, Jesus
I've wasted it
So help me Jesus
I know what I am

Now that I know
That I've needed You
So help me Jesus
My soul's in Your hand
Jesus, my soul's in Your hands.

Explaining the hard things...with faith, hope and love

Yesterday I had to explain to Macy about the death of Osama Bin Laden.  It was hard because she had seen so many people on TV cheering for this man's death.  She didn't understand that.  And honestly, I didn't either.  I mean, come on.  He did some horrible, horrible things...but to cheer?  I don't know.  I had mixed emotions about the whole ordeal.  As an adult I know what he did.  It makes me sick at my stomach.  But her, she had no idea of the magnitude of his sins.  So, I explained it to her as best I could and she shrugged her shoulders and went on to Barbie land.  She has since forgot but me, its still on my mind. 

Today as I was looking at many blogs, emails, and other fun things on the WWW and I came across this great article from Relevant magazine.  I really thought it hit the nail on the head....but that's just my own little opinion.  Isn't that what blogging is all about?  :)  I really want my blog to be an encouraging place people can come.  I want my it to be fun and have people chuckle at some crazy story I might post.  I mean lets face it, my life can be quite comical at times.  But, with a tragedy like this I only want to encourage and give as much faith, hope and love for others as I can.

I have never read anything from Relevant Magazine so can't promote it, I just thought this article was good.  And I wish I could remember how I got to this particular article to give props to someone, but in my old age, I have forgotten.  oops.  So, thanks to someone for leading me to it...so, here it is...

Editor's note: The death of Osama bin Laden is a difficult paradox for Christians, which is why we asked Jonathan Merritt to unpack it. We think what he has to say is good and important, but we also know it's not the end of the conversation. So we ask that you weigh in with your thoughts on this world-changing event. We want to know what you think, too! We also ask that you write with grace and patience for your fellow comm enters.

The snuffing of Osama bin Laden’s life has left White House officials beaming, news reporters busy and the thumbs of Twitterers raw. I can’t blame any of them. After all, this is one of the biggest events of the last decade. When I got the call Sunday night and turned on the television, I could hardly believe it was true, even though it was in bold print across the bottom of the screen: “Bin Laden Killed by Navy Seals.” My heart leapt with joy.

But as the night rolled on and I watched the reports come in and then President Obama speak, I found myself flooded with twin emotions. On the one hand, I was elated that a man responsible for so many deaths was finally brought to justice. On the other hand, I was deeply saddened knowing that someone who by all accounts never confessed Christ had passed from life to death.


I began to question my reactions, asking myself which emotion was more appropriate, more Christian? Should I rejoice at bin Laden’s death ... or mourn it?


After the announcement was made that the world’s most infamous terrorist was indeed dead, the Twitter-sphere blew up. As many as 4,000 tweets per second posted to the social networking site—each one a 140-character reaction to an event that undoubtedly deserved more. For many Christians, it seemed they were not wrestling with how they should feel. Celebration was their clear choice.

Pastor Rick Warren sent out Proverbs 21:15, which says, "When justice is done, it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers." Coincidentally, The Atlantic reported that Warren’s Scripture choice became the #3 most tweeted verse on this subject. Jordan Sekulow of the American Center for Law and Justice tweeted: “Crank this up as you celebrate the termination of bin Laden  http://youtu.be/Fk8IbcHf0Cs.

I admit that there's a part of me that wants to pump my fist, signal a flyover and spit on the dead man’s corpse. But is this an appropriate response for a Christian, to celebrate the death of the wicked? Or, to push it further, can a Christian ever celebrate the death of a non-believer?

I’m reminded of the words of Ezekiel: “As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live” (33:11, TNIV). The outcome that God desired and we should have too is that while Osama bin Laden was still breathing, he would have rejected doing any more evil and confessed Christ. This would have been cause for a true celebration—even the angels in heaven would have rejoiced (Luke 15:7). Anything short of this is a tragedy.

If nothing else, the propensity we feel to celebrate his death unveils the human tendency to want retributive justice for the sins of others but not for our own sins. Christians claim to believe all humans—yes, even Jesus-followers—deserve death (Romans 6:23). Justice demands such a penalty from each one of us. But we don’t want justice for ourselves; we want grace. Luckily, God has provided such grace through Christ.


“Rejoicing in the death of another, however wicked, involves forgetting the depths of our own depravity and the astonishing reality of our own salvation,” wrote Gideon Strauss of the Center for Public Justice in response to bin Laden’s death.

When a Christian points her finger in the face of the wicked getting what they deserve and shouts for joy, she is only revealing that she has forgotten her own need for grace. How can we celebrate God’s saving grace in our own lives on Sunday morning and celebrate retributive justice for others on Sunday evening? Is this not the ultimate hypocrisy?

And when justice is served to those who wish only to harm others—as it was last night—we may perhaps express relief. Relief in knowing innocent people woke up to a safer world this morning. But relief ... not celebration. God loves those innocents, and I believe He desires to see them free from fear and violence. Yet even as our spirits lift knowing that this man will do no more evil, our eyes should burst forth with weeping knowing that bin Laden will likely spend eternity like he spent his life: separated from the true God.


What do you think the Christian response is to bin Laden's death?

Jonathan Merritt is a faith and culture writer whose work has appeared in outlets such as USA Today, The Christian Science Monitor and CNN.com. He is author of Green Like God: Unlocking the Divine Plan for Our Planet.

So, what do you think about the whole ordeal?  I would LOVE to hear your comments.  I would love to know what you thought of the article.  How did you tell your children about the death that was ALL OVER the news?  It was so hard to shield them from it....would love to hear your views.  Pretty please, with a cherry on top?

"Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice, or the LORD will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from them. Do not fret because of evildoers or be envious of the wicked, for the evildoer has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out."

Proverbs 24:17-20

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Wordless Wednesday

Good-byes are hard...

I found out today that my crazy, funny, quirky, loud but gentle and sweet uncle James Keith passed away today.  It makes me sad to think of the years that we all missed together.  He was a truck driver and was gone for the better part of 10+ years.  Thankfully, we got to see him over Christmas and got to spend some time talking about the good 'ole days and reintroducing ourselves and our children.  He had never met Macy and the last time he had seen Reid he was 4 years old.  That is sad.  The only thing he remembered about Reid was how much he loved his 18 wheeler.  Now, a teenager was staring him in the face and only cares about sports and girls. 

I feel for my sweet Daddy who lost a brother.  I can't imagine.  There is a bond between siblings whether you see each other on a regular basis or 10+ years.  The memories that you have growing up are special and often times so vivid you feel like just yesterday you just ate watermelon while swimming in the river.  Only the Doty's remember how fun that was....

I know that my Dad and his brothers had some crazy times.  I'm sure they gave my grandparents a run for their money.  I can only imagine.  I hope the memories of his brother will help my Dad during the next few, hard days and in the future.

I know that James Keith is reunited with his son, Keith, who passed away in his early 20's, and his Dad, our Papa.  What a sight that was, I'm sure of it.  :)

Please pray for my Mom and Dad, Jarrell and Earline, Mimi, and James Keith's family.  I know they will all appreciate it.  I will too.

Thanks, friends...

Grandma

As I was tucking my sweet daughter in bed tonight I was hit with a deep question. I know...she's such a deep thinker. ha! As always, she asks me about Grandma Salas. She loved her so much and remembers her so well. It amazes me. She passed away about a year ago and asks about her almost every night. Along with Leon, Papa Johns toothless neighbor. Why she asks about him is beyond me. We met him once. He left a big impression on her one night when we were over there. She asked him about his tooth and why he only had one. I was so embarrased. I can't believe she even had the guts to ask him. Shes my outspoken one! But for real, he only had one tooth. I mean come on, pull it out for petes sake. What can you possibly eat with only one tooth? Anyway, thats besides the point. She prays for Grandma (and Leon..who died of a heart attack) every night. Her prayers are so sweet. So tender. She asks God to make them better so they can come back. I think they learned about Lazarus at church. :) If only it was that easy.

Tonight she asked me again, when will Grandma come back? She asked when we go to Heaven, how long will we be there. I said forever. It will be awesome! She said she doesn't really want to go right now. She said she didn't think there would be snow, pumpkins or Halloween. That girl! When has she ever seen snow! HA I told her how wonderful Heaven is and how God is preparing a place just for us. I went on to say that others go on before us to help get it all ready and wait for us with open arms. Grandma is waiting with open arms...just for us. We all miss her and love her but know that God is taking very good care of her. And God is taking care of so many other loved ones. I told her how wonderful that it will be. She didn't seem to excited. Yet. But for me. Oh my. No pain. No worries. No sickness. No debt (ha). No tears. No busyness. No evil. Only the best our Father has to give us. What a reunion....God is SO good!

How do you answer a 5 year olds answer about Heaven? Did I say the right thing?