Monday, August 31, 2009
"It is Well...."
For some reason, the past few Sundays have been really hard on me. I have cried and thought of Poppi in every song we sing. My sweet friend Kim, had to hold me up one Sunday night because we sang "The Greatest Command" and I hadn't heard it since my Poppi's funeral. I didn't think it would impact me that way. I'm usually strong. I'm usually the one who is holding people up. But, for some reason lately I have had to lean on others. What? What is happening to me? Is it old age? I hope not.
I remember the day Ashley and I (with the kidos) drove to Austin to see Poppi. This was after the call. The call that we all dread. The one that when we hear the words our knees go to jelly and we are never the same. So, the trip was somewhat quiet. I mean with 3 kids there was some action but between me and Ash we didn't quite know what to say. It felt like it took 15 hours to get there. We talked about him and remembered funny times. We remember all the times he tried his hardest to teach us math. Bless. He tried. Hard. Now, I would give anything to sit with him at the card table with our sharp pencils and listen to him explain equations or word problems. I promise this time I would listen. I would hang on every word.
There are so many things that I miss about him. I can't even begin to explain. There was something so strong about him and then on the other hand so gentle. So loving. So kind. One of the most Godliest man I have ever known. So much of who we all are is because of him. He left an awesome legacy behind. He loved us all so much. Every grandchild was special. Every great-grandchild was special. Mom, Kathy and Jody were the light of his life. Nana was his best friend and love of his life....he told her that MANY times a day. There were often roses from her outside bush that he would pick especially for her. It was the little things that he loved to do. He had many friends who he would do anything for. What an example! We all felt his love especially when he hugged us...he liked that. I miss his hugs. I miss his kisses and that before he kissed us he had to remove his toothpick. Off topic, Ashley is driving his car for a while and yesterday when she was here we found about 5+ toothpicks under the seat of his car. Poppi loved him some toothpicks.
So, this past Sunday night we sang, "It is Well With My Soul"....oh my, I quietly lost it. I absolutely love that song. It is one of my favorites. It gives me peace. And, you know what, it tells me that no matter how much I miss him, no matter how much I want a hug his neck or hear his voice, I know he's OK. He is in a much better place, one that we cannot even fathom. One that we long to see and we all strive to be there one day. We have that promise. No matter how much it hurts to say, I know full well that...It is well with my soul. What a reunion that will be.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty..."
I miss you, Poppi.